It has been a dreadful week. I cannot explain why this always happens. Things are going well, everything seems ok and then suddenly bam and everything's gone. Every time. I'm getting really desperate.
So I took a trip to the city, as I mentioned in the previous post. My sister and I live here. I just wanted a could of days away from my mother. I love her to death, but she can be too much sometimes and two weeks with her had begun to be a little too much. I was fully aware that I wasn't going to be able to do as much cardio and exercise in general. I was expecting it and trying my best to be ok with it. Yeah - a big mistake, huge.
I got here and the first couple of days everything was ok:
04.07.16:
Kcal in: 700 Kcal out: 200
05.07.16:
Kcal in: 925 Kcal out: 200
06.07.16:
Kcal in: 1250 Kcal out: 200
Then it all went to hell:
08.0716:
Kcal in: 2500 - 3000
09.07.16:
Kcal in: 2500 - 3000
And I went to the bathroom. Puked until everything was out and I was throwing up blood and also took a bit more than the recommended dose of laxatives.
Today I tried to weigh myself but in vein as the scale here is not digital and it's kind of hard to read, plus I'm pretty sure it's off 2-3lbs. Basically it's somewhere around 160lbs but I can't be sure and this scares me a lot. I've never been good with not knowing exactly how much I weigh and how much I need to lose. It makes me feel anxious and like there's nothing I can do. Which is stupid. I know.
In other unrelated news I've send my CV to a company that is currently recruiting people for what seems to be really nice positions. However I'm really sad because I've sent it on Wednesday and no one's got back to me. Which means they won't get back to me. I needed the job so much. It makes me feel so worthless. I know I'm too ugly and stupid. Otherwise why wouldn't they hire me.
I've got no clue what to do today. If it was up to me I'd be living only of coffee and cigarettes, but the threat of a binge hanging over me is just too real to risk it. We'll see.
No comments:
Post a Comment