I generally don't know.

I'm quite unsure of what is happening right now. With my life, with my weight, with my family. It's like I don't participate in any of it, I'm just a sideline observer.

Anyway, I have some good and some bad news.
Bad news -  I had a huge fight with my mother. And my sister. My sister had annoyed my mother all morning and at some point the poor woman just couldn't handle it anymore(she was working, mind you) and she just snapped. She threw her cellphone on the ground. Started crying and yelling at me, how we(sister and I) were jelaous bitches, don't deserve anything, we've made her life miserable and what failures we were and told me she can't stand to look at me. Literally she said all that, among some other unpleasent things. Made me so sad that when I was alone in the privacy of my room I gave it a good cry and almost dug out the razor. It's a bit better today, but what has been said shall remain. You know, it hurts because it's all true.

Good news - first, I had mentioned that I applied for a job, well yesterday, a week later, when I had already given up, they contacted me and  I have an interview for tomorrow via Skype. It's going to be my first ever job interview and words cannot describe how nervous I am. Keep your fingers crossed for poor ol' me. I really need this job, because I dropped out and I can't seem to pass my exams to go back to university. Earning would mean that I would be free of my mother's constant nagging. Being financially independant would also mean I can save up and get all the things I can't now, which makes me happy.
(My sister however was not approved and I think that that's what triggered the fight yesterday. She was calling my mother(for the 100th time this morning) to whine about how I'm going to have more money than her.)
Second - I seem to be back at my pre mini vacation weight - 158.5lbs! Go me! I am so very happy. I think it is because I went to the bathroom and also yesterday I worked my (huge) ass off. I was helping my friend move, which meant climbing flights of stairs carrying heavy objects many, many times. Every muscle in my body is sore today, but I don't regret doing it. I actually feel acomplished. I'm regretting the vodka that I had, but oh, well I can't really give up my alcohol now, can I.
To be honest I'm kind of annoyed my friend. She's 94lbs a little taller than me and she wears very revealing clothes. I cannot describe how jelaous I am and how terrible I feel when I am around her. It's like I am  wearing a sing that says "The ugly, fat friend." It doesn't help that she also tends to complain how all the men like her. She doesn't do it on purpous or obnooxiously, but it still sucks.

It is now 3:15 pm and I still have not eating anything. I actually don't want to eat anything, but I'll probably make something for dinner, just in case. Anything to prevent a binge, right.

Hope you're having a good week.
- A.